What The Lord Is Teaching Me About Honesty In Relationship With Him

Sometimes as I write the Holy Spirit whispers to my heart. I can be completely void of words and all I hear in my head is the white noise of my to-do list and this overwhelming anxiety of only having four weeks left in the semester. It is almost like writing makes me calm down enough to actually think and when that happens the Holy Spirit knows he can get my attention. Because I am a little frazzled and anxious I decided to be intentional about my time with the Lord this morning (which I should be doing every morning). I got a bible, my journal and a blanket and headed out to the porch and I waited on God. I made  time this morning even when I felt like there was no time. The problem with this is that I was making time for God and that should never, ever be the case. I should never be having to "make time" for him. He should always come FIRST, no matter what and then I should make time for everything else. I realize how stupid that sounds. I made time for the God who made time (literally). See? That isn't even logical!

Anyway, this morning while I was reading and trying to listen to God I realized that God was talking to me about listening to him and being honest with him...like brutally honest with him (which seems to be a theme for me lately). Honest about my fears, my hurts, my emotions (the good, the bad and the ugly), my sins, my frustrations, my anxieties, my dreams. Honest about it all. It seems like being honest about it all wouldn't be that big a deal because God already knows everything, he knows our thoughts before we think them, but it is still important. It is important for us, not for him. He wants us to be honest with him for ourselves. He wants us to know that we can bring all of this brutal honesty to him and know HE LOVES US ANYWAY!

Hebrews 4:12-13 addresses this head on and just happened to be what God had me reading this morning. "For the word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are. Nothing in all creation can hide from him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes. This is the God to whom we must explain all that we have done." Psalm 139 also makes it clear that He knows us...all of us, personally, intricately, and precisely. He knit us together in our mother's womb and we cannot hide from him. He wants us to know that he is a safe place. In him we find rest and peace and we can come to him with our innermost thoughts, those thoughts that are absolute secrets and share them with him. He seeks out those who desire that kind of relationship with him. Those that will get alone with the him and soak up the word and pour out their hearts with a deep honesty and let the word soak into them and dig through their hearts and minds and cut deeply into their thoughts and desires. Those that draw near to him.

Jeremiah 31:3 says, "I have loved my people with an everlasting love, with unfailing love I have drawn you to myself." He draws us to himself and wants us to seek that kind of honest relationship with him. He is a loving daddy. He longs for us to be in constant relationship with him where we are fully aware of his beauty and majesty while also being fully aware of his fierce love for us and building this kind of relationship takes honesty on our part. As we give him this honesty and let him sort through it all he reveals himself to us in ways that we would never imagine.

Jesus help me be brutally honest with you.
Help me know that it pleases you when I am and that you love me through it all.
Help me be quiet and listen for your responses.
Help me seek you diligently and honestly and have faith that you are always listening to me and desiring to communicate with me.
Thank you that you love me that much, Lord!

Amen.